I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
