BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
