We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
