thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
As shirtless as possible
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
