I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
