I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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