I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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