You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Randomize
