Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
