i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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