Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
