so explain again why im purple
no
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
