I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
