I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
