i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
