I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
