Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
