i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
