we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
