just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
