OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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