lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
