i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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