he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
