so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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