Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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