I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
