I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize