So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
