It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Please don't give away my fajitas
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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