i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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