I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
