stop calling my apartment porn island.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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