so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
