It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
