Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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