whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
