and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
