Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
