My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
