Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
