i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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