1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
