this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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