you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
