I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
