fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
