I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
