If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize