my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
