Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
