Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
where does the pee come out of this thing
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize