How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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