Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
