I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
