i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
