He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
