I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
