Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
