he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
