11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
