goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
