i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
