you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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