I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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